Would you like a summary of my week since we haven’t caught up since Tuesday?
Love life: Shit
Going to use this week as a practice run, as it turns out you need to plan meals and do a food shop if you don’t want to eat chicken and mushroom Pasta’n’Sauce for lunch 4 times in a week. I also seem to have the motivation to do things at the opposite time in which I should be doing them. Let me elaborate:
Motivation to exercise: when in bed going to sleep
Motivation to find new job: whilst at work
As a rule, I am spending many an hour making lists, making plans, making improvements whilst at work (secretly) broken up by trips to the toilet for a quick (long enough for a decent catch up, short enough that they don’t phone HR to break down the cubicle door through fear of the death in the workplace pay out.) Insta scroll. With my mind full to over brimming with ideas, I drive home. Upon walking through the door I become an amoeba, capable only of microwaving a potato (I am a potato) and parking my arse until I can’t fight sleep anymore, then going to bed and thinking about how I’m going to spring out of bed at 6.30 ready for a jog up a big hill. When in reality, I’m going to snooze the alarm, but actually turn it off, fly out of bed at 7.55 shouting “shit, shit, shit” whilst rubbing talc into my greasy hairline because I forgot dry shampoo, AGAIN, then run out to my mobile bin (car) and drive like Cruella de Ville when her engines all mental and swirly, narrowly avoiding mowing down 4 pedestrians.
Do you see my dilemma?
Going to text gals and see what they’re doing, maybe they will take pity and pour wine down my throat
ALL BUSY WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS and/or GOING ON DATES
The cheek of it.
Might re-download tinder and see if anyone’s messaged me since I abandoned ship
No sodding messages.
Humph, going to watch Bridget Jones in bed.
I hope I fall asleep before the happy ending.
Stupid Darcy, raising the hopes of hopeless women everywhere.